I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
