just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Im part way to drunk.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
