Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
