had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
