You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
