I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
