Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
