Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
