But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
