He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
