He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
