Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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