Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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