kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
