I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
