when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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