hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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