Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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