Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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