OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
