it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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