Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
