come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
