Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
