you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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