i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
