Don't make out with my wife yet
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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