I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You need Xanax blowdarts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
