WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
