Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
