Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
