3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
