ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
