I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
