He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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