she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Farmville is her only friend.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
