Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
