If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
