People in love make me want to vomit
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
