she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
