It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
This house was built for laser tag.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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