when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
