I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
