new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
