So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
my poor anus
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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