he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
