i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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