After last night, I could never be a politician.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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