i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
