bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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