I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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