I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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