You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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