Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
